Cause he’s all alone
With his notebooks and poems

Jordan walked around the chapel. Despite the fact that he was entirely positive there was no God, Mohammed, Allah, or any of that nonsense, he found the garden out back extremely relaxing. It was almost always silent there, and no one ever bothered him, because almost no one came around the chapel. He also found it quiet, and when it was quiet, he could focus, and when he could focus, he could write. Writing gave him a release… It helped him feel less lonely, less depressed. Jordan just loved to write. It was possible for him to write in the asylum, just a little more difficult, which is why he had migrated here.

He pulled out a cheap blue spiral notebook and his favorite pen, and started to jot down his thoughts, keeping them in the format of a poem. For some reason, people seemed to like his poetry, despite the fact that it was simply random thoughts, written one after the other. He continued until he filled up the page, and then he stopped for thought. He’d been trying to write a story… He had turned the notebook upside down and started from the back to keep it from getting mixed in with his poetry.

It was at this point the sun peeked out from behind the clouds, and Jordan shielded his eyes, momentarily blinded. “Damn luminous plasma,” he muttered to himself before returning to his writing. He quickly turned over the notebook to access his story.

The story was one of a boy, a bit like Jordan, only in a fantastic world. Think of it like a more depressing, less kid friendly, less magical version of Harry Potter. Jordan hated the story, if he were honest with himself, but he knew it would be likely to sell if he made it out of this place alive, and he could use the money. Starving musicians could always use a little extra cash flow. Especially when their parents thought they should ‘learn to support themselves’ starting at the very age of 18.

To be honest, his parents hadn’t even wanted to pay for college, which was part of the reason behind him not going. It wasn’t like he had any reason not to go, like being in a successful band or anything. He’d long since failed at that goal. Maybe if he got out of here, he could try again. Try to get up onstage, make his dreams come true. As highly unlikely as it seemed to him, he did have another chance.

Cause he’s all alone
With his notebooks and poems

Jordan had just started work on his story when he heard a laugh. He shook his head, figuring it was just in his head. Hardly anyone else ever came out to the garden, and there was no reason to be laughing anyways. He shook his head, and made it through a paragraph before a voice brought him back out of his thoughts. “Hey,” he heard, and he looked up with a smile. It was a girl. She was pale with brown hair and blue eyes, and quite pretty if Jordan did think so himself. He smiled widely at her, his eyes shining brightly. This was the first person to talk to him since he’d gotten here.

“Hello,” he replied, still smiling. “I-I’m Jordan.” He stuttered a little as he spoke, stuck in his shy, sweet personality. Too bad there wasn’t a crowd to impress right now. “I’m pretty new here… M-my parents put me in when they found out about my alcohol problem and my insomnia. They said I have s-some mild version of depression as well.” He found himself rambling, and his eye widened as he shut his mouth. He quickly returned to his writing, expecting the girl to walk away. Sure, the girl had to have a reason for being here too; but it didn’t seem very appropriate to just to spout it out like that.

He bit his lip and quickly turned his notebook over and jotted down a poem out of some of his thoughts at the moment before tilting his head back up. ”S-sorry,” he stammered quietly, being sure not to look if the girl was still there or not before flipping his notebook back over and continue writing his story. That was so embarrassing. Do I always have to make an idiot out of myself? Stupid, stupid, stupid! he thought, covering his face with his hand, taking a momentary break from his writing.

He always seemed to be screwing things up and making a total fool of himself. If he could only be more forward, more personable when there were fewer people around, eh was sure he could have had friends by now. And of course, now, even if the girl was still there (he still refused to look), she probably thought he was some sort of babbling idiot. Which, to be honest with himself, he was, unless placed in front of a crowd of people.

Cause he’s all alone
With his notebooks and poems

Jordan heard her say there was no reason to be sorry, but he kept looking down. He was sure she would leave in a moment. He looked up as she introduced herself, and continued to speak. She was telling him why she was here! Maybe that was just a sort of conversation starter in a place like this. Everyone had to have a reason to be here, after all. Maybe there was a convenience to rambling, after all, at least here. He realized that they both had insomnia and depression problems. At least now it seemed they had something in common.

Jordan smiled half-heartedly, and managed to choke out a laugh. “M-my boyfriend in high school had insomnia, too. He always said brought people together.” He couldn’t help but to think of the ghost that haunted his past at a time like this. He couldn’t let it shake him, though. He couldn’t break down. At least, not here, and not now, and not with Sam. Maybe if he didn’t have a roommate yet, he could use tonight to have one last pity party over the past and try to move on. The only problem was that he’d tried that once before, and it just didn’t work. There was always one more, one last pity party before he could move on. Maybe if there were something to move onto, the ritual would be a little more effective.

He heard that she had gotten picked up by child protective services because her dad had beaten her, and wondered if he should say anything. It seemed inappropriate, but so had his earlier ramble, so he gave it a shot. ”I-I’m sorry that happened to you. Kids at my school used to beat me up sometimes. I-I know that’s n-not the same…But sometimes it felt like it when I thought the kids were my friends,” he said, looking down.

His memories came flooding back, and he jotted down a poem, trying to get them out before they could trouble him too much. The time his girlfriend was cheating on him with a football player, and the football player beat him up so badly he was sent to the hospital; the time his best friend in freshman year nearly killed him all because of a dare; the time one of his ‘friends’ broke a mirror with his head; he remembered it all far too clearly. Sometimes, having such a good memory was a terrible thing. His shook his head and closed his notebook quickly, pushing away the thoughts.

Cause he’s all alone
With his notebooks and poems

Jordan nodded, looking up to meet Sam's eyes. "Yeah, a l-lot of people say I trust too easily. I've always just s-sort of t-taken the things people say a-at f-face value, and I-I believe them. I know it's k-kind of stupid... I-it's gotten me hurt a l-lot; but I-I like to t-think that not everyone in the human race is a d-disaster waiting to happen if trusted." He frowned again, returned his face to the ground. He'd always hated his stammering problem. It only occurred when he hadn't known the person he was talking to for very long; but it was another thing that kept him from having an over-abundance of friends.

He looked up again as Sam asked him if he was okay, and blushed a little as he felt her hand on his back. Not that he wasn’t a touchy person, just that most people didn’t touch him. “Um… No, not really. It’s not you, you’re a very nice person, you seem nice, I like you. But… It’s just… Whenever I talk about stuff that happened to me in high school, all of the memories just sort of c-come f-flooding back. None of them are really good either. That’s w-why I r-really hate it when someone says high school’s the best time of your life. Honestly, it was the worst for me.” He stopped his ramble again with a sigh. “I-I’m sorry I keep rambling to you… I really don’t want to lay all of my problems on you or anything…”

He was happy that his stutter was starting to slack off a little, but the more he got to know this girl. The more he seemed to be making an idiot of himself. He hated it when that happened. Not that it happened a lot, but when it did, it could get pretty dangerous for him. Especially because that’s usually how he ended up with girlfriends, who cheated on him when he became obsolete to them. Apparently boys were like game consoles to girls. If they stop making games for this one, then go out and get yourself another. You don’t even have to get rid of the old one first! You can just pawn it off later.

He shook his head. He knew very well all girls weren’t the same. Just most of them. And that was most of them in high school. He could make absolutely no judgments on girls in… places like this. Here, companionship seemed few and far between. And, as much as it sounded a little vain, Jordan couldn’t help but think he was the updated model, and probably would be for a while. So seemingly, there was no danger in a friendship, or something more here. Maybe in a place like this, he couldn’t get hurt so badly.

Cause he’s all alone
With his notebooks and poems

Jordan nodded a bit, biting his lip as Sam started talking about why she didn't trust people. He understood... Honestly, he had ever reason in the world to be of those bitter, unlovable types that bite back at anyone who approaches the walls they've built up, and snaps at anyone who's too nice. He definitely had no reasons to be so nice, so naive... But he'd always been that way, and there was no evidence that anything could change him. Of course, there was the lingering fact... As much as it had hurt whenever his boyfriend or girlfriend cheated on him, he had never really been in love. A few intense crushes, some puppy love, but he's never once thought his relationships would last longer than a few months at the most.

“I-I know what you mean… Honestly, I-I shouldn’t trust anyone with everything that‘s happened.” His eyes grew dark for a moment, but he shook his head. “M-my mom and sister always told me I was h-hardheaded, though.” At the thought of his family, he managed to crack a smile. He missed his sister in here… He figured she was the only person, aside from his parents, that he actually missed. It wasn’t like he left behind any friends or significant others.

He picked his head back up and met Sam’s eyes as she started to rub circles on his back for moment. He heard her say something along the lines of ‘we’re the last ones in the world to have something to be sorry for,’ and he started to think. “Well, I went off pretty bad on my first girlfriend when I found her cheating on me, and the neighbors got r-really pissed off because I woke them up. I could’ve been a little quieter with the yelling,” he admitted, scratching the back of his head. He was almost jubilant at his slowly decreasing stutter, though, and at that he had to smile.

Flipping his notebook over in his hands, he thought about trying to write some more… But he didn’t really have any unpleasant thoughts at the moment. He’d long gotten over his first girlfriend. Somehow, they’d ended up being friends for a while, until she moved away. Jordan had always been a strong believer in the gift of second chances, cheating boyfriends or girlfriends included. If someone knew they’d screwed up, such as in the case of his first girlfriend, and they even attempted to apologize, Jordan was always willing to at least give friendship another shot. No one should be deprived of the forgiveness they deserve, if they want it.

Cause he’s all alone
With his notebooks and poems

Jordan laughed a little. "Yeah, y-you and I s-seem to have plenty in common." Sure, they weren't exactly alike... But in a place like this, finding someone remotely like you had to be a little difficult. Especially someone who was like you, and got along with you... Well, to Jordan that seemed to be a little bit of a miracle. Actually, finding someone you got along with in an asylum was probably even less common than finding someone you had things in common with. He hated to say that... To call this place what it really was; but he couldn't deny it forever.

He smiled weakly as Sam continued to rub his back, and said that the incident was simply a regret, nothing to really apologize for. Jordan stayed silent, looking back down at his feet. He examined his worn converses carefully, sighing. He supposed he couldn't wear out anything in here; there was no way to buy any new clothing. He couldn't grow or gain weight either. Or, at least not if he wanted to wear his own clothing, and not beg other people for a shirt they'd loan out, if anyone happened to be anywhere near his size.

He quickly looked back up as Sam spoke again, saying there was things she could apologize for... But the people that she'd hurt had it coming to them. "T-that's why I didn't include all the times I've yelled at people... It was a lot m-more than justified. It takes a lot to set me off, and when someone does, I know they deserve a lot worse. I'm just incapable of doing much more than t-taking someone down verbally." Jordan looked back down again. He hated the fact that he was so weak... He could have protected himself in so many ways.

He bit his lip as a comfortable silence reigned over the conversation for a bit. His stutter was slacking off... But he hated how much of a fool he seemed to be making of himself when he spoke. Sure, he knew very well he was weak. But he absolutely hated to admit it to anyone, and now he'd just blurted it out to this girl. He fiddled with the corner of his notebook before speaking again. "Do you like music?" It was one of his sort of fall back conversation topics. When he wanted to know more about someone, he asked about music. To him, it was one of the most important things.

Cause he’s all alone
With his notebooks and poems

Jordan bit his lip as Samantha said something about taking someone down verbally being easier than taking someone down physically. He also heard her say that anyone could do it. You just couldn't have reservations. "I'm sure I couldn't take someone down physically then; I have trouble even yelling at people. It's because I raised to be polite to everyone. Turn the other cheek... It's always what I've been told. I love my family, but their thoughts on how to go about life aren't very realistic. You can’t just sit around and take what people throw at you. I-I learned that the hard way. The few times I never did anything turned out much worse than the times I did." He shuddered at the quick flashback; the time he didn’t do anything.

He’d had an idea tugging at his subconscious for the longest time that his girlfriend was cheating on him, but he pretended not to notice; tried to pretend everything was okay. Then came the day the truth was dangled in front of his face. He walked in on his girlfriend and some idiot jock from the football team. This guy was apparently Jordan 2.0, he was better looking, more muscular, and generally more advanced in everything but intelligence, and, though Jordan wouldn’t have thought it himself, kindness. He didn’t retaliate, didn’t say a word, but he broke up with her the next day. It was more tortuous than any other breakup he went through, if only because he held in all of the anger and emotion he had involving the relationship.

Shaking himself out of his memory as Sam spoke, he looked up. He smiled as he asked him what he thought of music. “Same here. A-as in, it’s totally my lifeline. I play guitar and sing… And I-I write songs, too. Plus I’m almost always listening to one band or another. My taste is pretty wide-range, but I love rock for the most part.” He smiled fondly and flipped the edge of his notebook up, letting the pages fall. “I-I don’t really like country, or a lot of rap, though.” The sentence was almost an afterthought, but he found it important enough to note.

As the conversation progressed, Jordan found himself more and more drawn to this girl. It helped that she seemed to be the only person he knew so far here at Summer’s; but it was also partially because of the things they had in common. And another factor seemed to be her honesty. As far as it seemed to Jordan, Sam hadn’t once lied to him. There wasn’t yet a reason for her to, but he was convinced she just wasn’t a liar. Jordan couldn’t stand lying.